Enough

I've been on the antidepressant my doctor prescribed for almost a month now, and I have to say, I HATE it. The two main purposes of this medication are to relieve depression and to relieve anxiety. I feel like it's CAUSING both. I've had occasional bad days before, but never this often, and not this bad. And I've never had issues with anxiety before. Sitting in church yesterday was almost torture for me. We sat in pretty much the very middle of the crowded chapel. The normal me wouldn't have thought anything of it, but yesterday it was terrible for me. I don't know if it was just me, but it seemed like the longer the meeting went, the louder the room got, and the noise was oppressive. To make it worse, I felt a constant pressure pushing in on me. It was like I was being compressed and I could hardly breathe. Sunday School wasn't quite as bad as it was a smaller group in the gym, but it was still hard. I had to leave Relief Society early (which was a huge relief) because Tyler was giving a talk in Primary, but the primary room almost did me in completely. I was a mess by the time we got home. Even in smaller gatherings this week, I had a very difficult time being in large groups. At a movie night with some women in the ward, I couldn't sit in a room with 10 other women to watch a movie. It was too confined with too many people. Anxiety is a completely new experience for me, and I do not enjoy it at all. Add in that this is the most depressed I think I've ever felt, and you can guess I'm pretty miserable right now.

In general I think antidepressants are a great thing and a much needed help for a lot of people, but I don't think it's what I need, at least not right now. Fortunately I have an appointment this afternoon to talk to my doctor about this. Hopefully I come back with good news!


UPDATE:
Of course my doctor immediately took me off the offending medication I was on. She was amazed I stayed as long as I did on it. She'd never seen it cause anxiety to the degree I had it. It is a known side effect of the drug, but a very very rare one. She's given me something new to try instead, but is starting me on just half a dose for now. It'll also take a few days to come down off the old medication, but within a week I should be feeling MUCH better. If I don't, she wants to see me again. I didn't sleep quite as well on the new medication, but I woke up already feeling a bit less anxiety. Not a lot, but some. And every little bit helps. And once the old medication is out of my system, I can increase my new one to a full dose if I'm not sleeping enough. So things should be getting much better!