Merry Christmas to all!

It has been a most wonderful Christmas. Tonight I feel truly blessed.

My entire family was together for Christmas this year, something that hasn't happened at Christmas for several years. Unfortunately I was unable to be there with them. It's been a difficult week leading up to Christmas, knowing they would be together and I would be here. I already feel separated from them. With so many of them living so close together, it's difficult to not feel like an outsider from time to time. So to not be there once again was difficult and emotional for me. So I've tried to focus on the reason I wasn't able to be there, and to let my happiness in that, my gratefulness at being able to be with Jayme in the temple be the dominant feeling in my life. I've also tried to focus more on the joy that comes in celebrating the birth of the Savior of Men. I've felt my heart sing "Hallelujah" this season, even among the craziness that is the "Christmas season." And I feel the need to repeat the words of the well known song, "Joy, JOY, for Christ is born; the babe, the son of Mary." That joy has helped get me through the last few days when I thought the emotions of missing my family would overwhelm me. It truly is joy that Christ was born, and I'm grateful to feel that joy in my life.

And, of course, everything turned out right in the end. My own family was the picture of perfection. My children were well behaved and grateful for every single thing they got. I heard things like "I've wanted this my whole life!" and "How does Santa know EVERYTHING we want?!" and even "Oh cool, SOCKS!" from my kids. They were excited and happy and had a wonderful day. Scott played with the kids, helped clean my kitchen, and managed a thoughtful and generous Christmas for me. Scott will be the first to admit he's not the best at gift giving, but he did an outstanding job this year. He even left me speechless with the strand of pearls that were in my stocking. They are SO beautiful, and it was completely unexpected. And my family found a way to make me feel included, even from more than a thousand miles away. I didn't get my actual presents from my siblings, but it didn't matter. The little book Jenn made me to hint at it is as much as I needed. It was so thoughtful and made me feel loved and appreciated and like part of the family. Even now, at the end of the day, I still tear up when I think about it. I love them all so much, and it was killing me that I couldn't be there with them. But their thoughtful gift made all the difference in the world. And knowing in addition to that they made a serious effort to record as much of their gatherings as they could so I could experience it later really touches me. I can't express how much I appreciate what they did.

And late last night, someone (we know not who) dropped a HUGE stocking off on our doorstep full of great stuff! Coloring books and crayons and teddy bears and oranges and apples and nuts and all kinds of great stuff for my family! It was a great way to end our Christmas Eve, and started our Christmas morning off so well.

At the end of Christmas day last year, I was in tears. It was a difficult and disappointing day all around. I felt like an afterthought to my immediate family, unappreciated and forgotten, and too distant from my siblings and parents to make a difference. I spent Christmas afternoon breaking up fights and cleaning the huge mess that is Christmas morning. My kids even complained about the home made cinnamon rolls because they think they don't like raisins! I think my lack of Christmas spirit this year is in a great deal tied to my disappointment over last year. Tonight I find myself again in tears, but for completely opposite reasons. My house didn't get cleaned, but that's because we were playing together in it, and with the new things we received and loved. This will surprise no one, but I would SO rather have a messy house after a great day together than a clean house with little happiness in it. Not that I need an excuse not to clean, but I think you get my point. :) It has truly been a day of joy and love, and I feel deeply blessed.

So I end tonight with a heart full of joy, gratitude, love, and appreciation for my children, my husband, my siblings, my parents, my friends, and my Savior. So again I say, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night."