Calling

I have another post in draft form that I'm hoping to get finished today (even though Monday's are my busiest days) but I needed to get this off my chest first.

A week ago, Scott and I were called into the Bishop's office right after sacrament meeting. I mentioned I had a class I was supposed to be teaching (Course 16-17) but I was told it was already covered. That in and of itself was surprising because they always struggle to find substitute teachers for any of the Sunday School classes, and yet they already had one for me even though I was there. They had already planned on me not being able to teach that class. I was informed they would be releasing me from my calling and I should turn in my manual to the Sunday School president that day. Then they told me they had me in mind for nursery leader. I wasn't thrilled with the idea, but I've never turned down a calling in my life. I did express my reservations to the Bishop, but I also told him I would accept any calling he had for me.

So yesterday I was released. I actually wasn't surprised. I'd told Scott a few weeks ago I was pretty sure I was going to be released soon. I feel a difference in my lesson preparation. It's kind of like a little warning light that my time in that calling is about to end. It's happened every time I've taught Sunday School. Then they called me to be a primary worker. As Brother Swonger said it, I felt an overwhelming sadness hit me that I can't explain. It was consuming and I couldn't seem to control it. It's now been a day since it happened, and I'm not feeling any better. Is this just disappointment at being called where I don't want to be? Do I just need an attitude adjustment? Why do I get teary and sad every time I think about my new calling? I don't want these kids to be short changed, and I want to do this calling well. But will I be capable of that if it takes all my self control not to burst into tears every time I think about it?